Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize