I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
