im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
