My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
