how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
