last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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