yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
