she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
