How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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