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Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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