It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
