I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
