just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
