She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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