I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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