tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
