I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
