You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were destined to go to rehab together
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
