I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thus making me awesome and them whores
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
