Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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