Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we made out on top of his cat.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last time i carry you out of a forest
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize