Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
