Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
