nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
