I CAN MOONWALK!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
