dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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