If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
