It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
