its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
