i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
