Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
