It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
