i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize