I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
