I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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