i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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