i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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