You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
