My underwear smells like fireworks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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