Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
