From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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