I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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