just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
