What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
