I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
