I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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