; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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