Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
