god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My balls are so social today.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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