If i come over, it means nothing
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
