FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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