Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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