just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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