I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
