Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
