I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
