Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
