Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
