I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize