I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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