Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
