I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
