Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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