We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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