Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
