At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
