Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
