You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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