I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
