My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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