This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
