she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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