rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
