i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
