So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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