your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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