just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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